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  • Peggy Spear

A Terrible, Horrible No-good Very Bad Month


I don’t like January.


It makes me depressed, with its cold, post-holiday mood, that glum, back-to-school/work feeling and the sense that nothing will ever light up the world again.


Of course, then there’s a deadly attack on the hallowed halls of the U.S. capitol building incited by the President of the United States, a military presence in the nation’s capitol that is as big as the United State’s surge on Iraq, and the deployment of thousands of National Guard troops throughout the nation to protect everything from state houses to Congress members’ homes.


Oh yeah, there’s also the unprecedented cases of COVID-19 bursting America’s hospitals, the projection of 90,000 COVID deaths in the NEXT THREE WEEKS, and a dumpster fire of a vaccine distribution plan by the outgoing administration.


I really hate January.


I am still reeling from the attack on the capitol last week, as Congress ceremoniously counted the votes electing Joe Biden as the next president. It was following the challenge of the President’s inciteful – not to be confused with insightful – comments that sent white supremists, conspiracy theorists and domestic thugs into the capitol in a siege that resulted in five deaths.


The President was quickly impeached, but it will go nowhere as the current Senate will undoubtedly brush off the President’s actions as inconsequential and would “cause more rift” in the country. Maybe they’re right. But what’s more frightening is the “chatter” the FBI and Homeland Security are hearing, resulting in the intense, increased presence of the nation’s military.


Make no mistake, I blame Donald Trump. He still believes the election was “stolen,” despite all evidence pointing otherwise. He is one of those people who can’t accept that he lost. He is a narcissist, a mental health condition that is dramatically hard to treat.


As someone who is sympathetic to mental health issues, I shouldn’t hate Trump. So I won’t use that strong a word. But I do know how hard it is to have a relationship with anyone who is a narcissist, or to convince them what is reality, what has lodged in their minds.


However, his actions have made me terrified. I put that pancake on top of my depression over COVID and my general seasonal affection disorder, and I’m pissed. There is enough chaos in this world right now – we didn’t need the leader of the free world inciting Qanon, MAGA, the Proud Boys, right-wing militias, white supremists and even law enforcement officials to attack the nation’s capitol building.


And I don’t know how to handle it. I’m using my toolbox for self-care, but that’s not helping. I’m extra tired, I’ve lost my appetite and I’m isolating. That’s not good.


And how can a country that spearheaded the quickest vaccine in history bungle the roll-out so spectacularly? The best thing I heard was Joe Biden today saying he “would move Heaven and Earth” to get people vaccinated. His transition team had a plan in place but is inheriting a mess from the outgoing administration. So his team even had to change its vision, promising their own all-out on the virus that has killed almost 2 million souls worldwide.


The onslaught against the virus is a glimmer of hope in these dark times. For those of us who are too sensitive or suffer from anxiety and depression, this is a very scary time. We need to stay in close contact with family and supportive friends -- and our doctors and therapists, if it gets too painful.


I am also including here the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline because sometimes times like these seem like they’re too much: 800-273-8255.


But let’s try to be strong. Let’s stand together and not let extremists from any side take over our hearts and minds.

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